A Thought on Simchat Torah: What Should We Be Feeling Now?

As we approach Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah, we realize we are reaching the conclusion of the holiest days of the year. What should we be thinking about? What should we be feeling?

Thirteen years ago, I heard a mashal from Rabbi Moshe Weinberger that I often think about and share before Simchat Torah.  

There was a man named Matul. He was not an intelligent man and therefore, he was often called Matul Naar, which is the Yiddish version of Matul the tipesh. After a number of years they found him a shidduch and from that moment onwards, they called him חתן מתל.

The night before his wedding, the Rebbi saw Matul sitting and crying and inquired why he was crying the night before the happiest day of his life? Motul answered it was because ever since he became a Chatan he was being called Matul Chatan. But he knew that after the wedding, people will return to call him Matul Naar and that made him sad. He preferred the name Matul Chatan to stick.

Rabbi Weinberger explained the nimshal that this is how we feel at the end of Simchat Torah. The whole year we are Matul Naar, finally Elul and the Yomim Noraim come along and we make some chnges, reignite our relationship with Hashem and perhaps perhaps He looks at us as Chatan. Now we might be sad as we do not want to go back to being called Matul Naar.

How do we prevent that? How do we maintain the growth we have experienced over the last few weeks?

We know from the Torah, that on Sukkot the korbanot are decreased each day; from 13 down one each day. Rashi in Pinchas quotes the Medrash Tanchuma which explains that the Torah is trying to teach us derech eretz. Just as if one has a guest -  on the first day you serve him the finest meats. On the second day you serve him fish. With each passing day the quality of what you serve becomes less and less. So too, we decrease the korbanot.

What does this mean? How is that teaching us derech eretz?

Rabbi Weinberger explained that the medrash means that the longer a guest stays with you, the closer he becomes to you, the more you begin to treat him like a בן בית. You don’t serve fancy delicacies in your house all the time; that is only for special guests. But the longer he stays, the less he is viewed as a guest and the more he is viewed as a בן בית.

So too, we, after a whole year, we wake up during Elul, Rosh Hashana we are mamlich Hashem, on Yom Kippur we are forgiven and cleansed of our sins, and then an even higher level on Sukkot of  ושמחת לפי ה'. But we still feel kind of out of place; we feel like a guest. So we start out with big fancy korbanot, but the longer we stay, the longer we feel like we are a בן בית by the רבונו של עולם. That is why we decrease the korbanot, we feel at home.

We should focus on שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד and constantly focus on our relationship with Hashem so we can remain comfortably as בני בית.

Parashat V'zot Habracha: Who Wrote the Final Eight Pesukim of the Torah?

We finally made it! We are up to the final parasha in the Torah. One might have thought that Hashem would “bring it all home” in a simple, not complicated way. But perhaps if there is one thing that writing this Parasha thought each week has taught me, is that Hashem doesn’t want our study of Torah to be easy. He wants us to continue to search, question and think. With that thought in mind, I raise the ancient question of who wrote the final eight pesukim of the Torah? Let’s take a look at why this is not simple.

After Hashem takes Moshe to Har Nevo, overlooking Yericho and able to view the land of Israel, the Torah says וַיָּ֨מָת שָׁ֜ם מֹשֶׁ֧ה עֶֽבֶד־יְהוָ֛ה בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מוֹאָ֖ב עַל־פִּ֥י יְהוָֽה׃ - and Moshe died……

Who wrote those words? Did Moshe write his own death certificate? How could he write them if he had died? And what about the final seven pesukim that follow?

Much has been written on this topic and it all stems from the words of the Talmud below:

דתניא (דברים לד, ה) וימת שם משה עבד יי' אפשר משה חי וכתב וימת שם משה?

1. אלא עד כאן כתב משה מכאן ואילך כתב יהושע בן נון דברי רבי יהודה 

אמר לו ר"ש אפשר ס"ת חסר אות אחת וכתיב (דברים לא, כו) לקוח את ספר התורה הזה ושמתם אותו וגו?

2. אלא עד כאן הקב"ה אומר ומשה כותב ואומר מכאן ואילך הקב"ה אומר ומשה כותב בדמע 

As it is taught in a baraita: The verse states: “And Moses the servant of the Lord died there” (Deuteronomy 34:5). Is it possible that after Moses died, he himself wrote: “And Moses died there”? Rather, Moses wrote the entire Torah until this point, and Joshua bin Nun wrote from this point forward; this is the statement of Rabbi Yehuda. 

Rabbi Shimon said to him: Is it possible that the Torah scroll was missing a single letter? But it is written that God instructed Moses: “Take this Torah scroll and put it by the side of the Ark of the Covenant” (Deuteronomy 31:26), indicating that the Torah was complete as is and that nothing further would be added to it.

Rabbi Shimon explains: Rather, until this point, i.e., the verse describing the death of Moses, the Holy One, Blessed be He, dictated and Moses wrote the text and repeated after Him. From this point forward, with regard to Moses’ death, the Holy One, Blessed be He, dictated and Moses wrote with tears without repeating the words, due to his great sorrow. 

So it seems we have two choices, either Yehoshua wrote the last eight pesukim as this alleviates the problem of Moshe writing about his own death, but it leaves open the issue of the Torat Moshe not being completely written by him. Alternatively, Moshe wrote it himself but with tears.

How does this actually answer the question? Even if it was with tears, how could Moshe write these words? How could he write as he dies? Then are his words not sheker?

Let’s explore what some later commentaries have to add to this idea of Moshe writing these pesukim בדמע.

1. Rabbenu Bachya writes that Moshe wrote this before he died, capturing what was about to occur. 
1. The problem with this is that the pasuk is talking in the present tense - and Moshe died….
2. Maharsha says that writing with tears made it less permanent so that he was not actually writing words of sheker.
3. Maharal says that since these words came from tears, this was actually the beginning of Moshe’s death.
4. Sefer Otzrot HaTorah quotes the Sefer Shar Bat Rabim that says that Moshe actually died and then Hashem revived him just to be able to write these final eight pesukim of the Torah. Torat Hashem Temima is to be taken literally that Torat Moshe must be totally completely written by Moshe. So Mashivat Nefesh, his soul was returned to him so he could write these pesukim. So בדמע means the mixture of גוף ונשמה, the mixture of life and death.
5. The Vilna Gaon has a novel explanation that suggests that there is in fact no dispute in the Talmud. He says that this same question could have been asked on the entirety of the Torah. The Torah was written thousands of years before He created the world so how could Moshe write anything in Torah before it actually happened? Isn’t that falsehood?

When we say the Torah was written even before the creation of the world, that doesn’t mean it looked the way we see the Torah today. Rather, all of the letters were there next to Hashem, but they were in a jumbled order. Only after the world was created were the letters placed in the order of the events as they occurred. 

Perhaps then we can suggest the same thing for the final eight pesukim of the Torah. בדמע means mixed up. Moshe did write these last eight pesukim, but he placed the letters there totally mixed up the same way they appeared to Hashem before the world was created. After Moshe died, Yehoshua came and rearranged the letters to the way they appear in the Torah today. So in actuality, Torat Moshe was, is and will always be perfect. At the same time, Yehoshua came along and arranged these pesukim so we could understand the final message of the Torah.

Parashat Ha'azinu: Is Hashem Always Watching Us?

Throughout Jewish History, as the Jewish People experience difficult times, we describe this as a time of hester panim. We loosely translate or think of this as a time where Hashem is hidden from us, perhaps we feel that He has left us alone and is not looking out for us in the same way He does when his presence is revealed in the open. But is that really the proper outlook? Is it true?

In Parashat Ha’azinu, the pasuk says, וירא ה’ וינאץ מכעס בניו ובנותיו ויאמר אסתירה פני מהם אראה מה אחריתם  - Hashem will see and be provoked by the anger of His sons and daughters, and He will say, “I shall hide My face from them and see what their end will be.”

Rav Herchel Schachter suggests that this pasuk teaches us what hester panim really means. It does NOT mean that Hashem is not looking at us or that He will stand by passively and not protect us. Rather, look at it with the prism of the pasuk in Shir Hashirim (2:9) “Behold, He is standing behind our wall, observing through the windows, peering through the lattices.” In other words, even when there is hester panim, Hashem is observing us through “a crack in the wall.” With this perspective, someone who sees his child through a crack in the wall sees him as clearly as he would through a huge window or doorway. The difference is to the one who is being seen. When being observed through a big open window, it is clear to the child that he is being watched, however, when being observed through a crack, the parent who is viewing him can go unnoticed. 

This changes everything! Even when Hashem is hiding behind “behind the wall” and we don’t see Him, we should not misunderstand that to mean He is no longer watching or caring for us. His divine providence is as strong as ever! As Rav Schachter puts it, “The eye does see, even in hester panim; it is only the face which is hidden.”

Perhaps our parasha can also teach us the connection between the hidden and the revealed which follows. Towards the end of the parasha the pasuk says, וכפר אדמתו עמו, “and He will appease His land and His people.” This is a fabulous prophecy of what will unfold in Jewish history. After the Holocaust, one of the darkest periods of hester panim, Hashem says He will appease His land and his People. That is exactly what happened with the formation of the State of Israel, being established on the heels of the Holocaust. 

Let us learn this lesson and always firmly believe that Hashem is actively watching and caring for us. There may be times when we don’t sense his presence as directly, but he is always there and is always working to take care of His children.

A Thought on Teshuvah - Rabbi Moshe Weinberger – Teshuvah Drasha 2019 - What Do We Have to Accept Upon Ourselves?

Rabbi Moshe Weinberger – Teshuvah Drasha 2019

Hashem in Shir Hashirim 8:9 speaks to us as His sister

אִם־חוֹמָ֣ה הִ֔יא נִבְנֶ֥ה עָלֶ֖יהָ טִ֣ירַת כָּ֑סֶף וְאִם־דֶּ֣לֶת הִ֔יא נָצ֥וּר עָלֶ֖יהָ ל֥וּחַ אָֽרֶז׃

If she be a wall, We will build upon it a silver battlement; If she be a door, We will panel it in cedar.”

If she will be like a wall, I will build upon them a beautiful silver ornament. But if she is going to live like a door, something that opens and closes, then I will also be with them in such a way. I will be here and there, not consistent, not strong nor secure.

Chazal say this concept came from Avraham who asked if the nation that will come from him will become will be like a wall or like a door. Avraham described himself as  powerful like a wall and wanted a nation like that.

In the Hoshanot, the beautiful praise is ohm ani chomah – a nation of a wall. That is our essence – strength, stability and consistency that we inherited from Avraham.

Q: We often don’t feel like a wall. Reality of life has ups and downs and we feel not just like a door, but a revolving door. Right and wrong, good and bad. So because of His love for us, He gave his little sister the mitzvah of teshuvah. It is a wonderous gift. Hashem revealed to us that it is possible to start again.

Rambam Hilchot Teshuvah 2:2

וּמַה הִיא הַתְּשׁוּבָה. הוּא שֶׁיַּעֲזֹב הַחוֹטֵא חֶטְאוֹ וִיסִירוֹ מִמַּחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ וְיִגְמֹר בְּלִבּוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יַעֲשֵׂהוּ עוֹד שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר )ישעיה נה ז ("יַעֲזֹב רָשָׁע דַּרְכּוֹ" וְגוֹ'. וְכֵן יִתְנַחֵם עַל שֶׁעָבַר שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר )ירמיה לא יח ( "כִּי אַחֲרֵי שׁוּבִי נִחַמְתִּי". וְיָעִיד עָלָיו יוֹדֵעַ תַּעֲלוּמוֹת שֶׁלֹּא יָשׁוּב לְזֶה הַחֵטְא לְעוֹלָם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר )הושע יד ד ("וְלֹא נֹאמַר עוֹד אֱלֹהֵינוּ לְמַעֲשֵׂה יָדֵינוּ" וְגוֹ'. וְצָרִיךְ לְהִתְוַדּוֹת בִּשְׂפָתָיו וְלוֹמַר עִנְיָנוֹת אֵלּוּ שֶׁגָּמַר בְּלִבּוֹ:

What is repentance? The sinner shall cease sinning, and remove sin from his thoughts, and wholeheartedly conclude not to revert back to it, even as it is said: "Let the wicked forsake his way" (Is. 55.7); so, too, shall he be remorseful on what was past, even as it is said: "Surely after that I was turned, I repented" (Jer. 31. 19). In addition thereto he should take to witness Him Who knoweth all secrets that forever he will not turn to repeat that sin again, according to what it is said: "Say unto Him.… neither will we call any more the work of our hands our gods" (Hos. 14.3–4). It is, moreover, essential that his confession shall be by spoken words of his lips, and all that which he concluded in his heart shall be formed in speech.²

Rambam says there are ingredients in teshuvah to make it real and work. To stop sinning, removes it from his thoughts, and decides strong not to do it again. He regrets what he did to the point that Hashem will testify that he will never do this sin again.

קבלה לעתיד – commitment to changing in the future.

How can the Rambam say this? All our variations of vidui do not have קבלה לעתיד as part of vidui?

So according the Rambam it seems that our commitment must be to never sin again.

Rav Saadiah Gaon and others– disagree with this and say as long as an individual is committed and means it at the time, the teshuvah is accepted and all of his sins are erased. If he returns to that sin in the future, it is not cumulative. It is a new act.

The Lekutei Maharan from Rebbe Nachman of Breslov has an explanation that can help us see the Rambam in a different light.

What is the meaning of a kabbala?

We have been taught it means accepting upon yourself to do something or to refrain from doing something. It is a commitment for the future. That is what the Rambam is talking about. This aidus is where misunderstanding falls in – until Hashem testifies Himself that this person is so sincere that I sign off that he is done with this sin. That is near impossible.

But in the Torah which is also an aidus, the Torah says:

כִּ֚י הַמִּצְוָ֣ה הַזֹּ֔את אֲשֶׁ֛ר אָנֹכִ֥י מְצַוְּךָ֖ הַיּ֑וֹם לֹֽא־נִפְלֵ֥את הִוא֙ מִמְּךָ֔ וְלֹ֥א רְחֹקָ֖ה הִֽוא׃

Surely, this Instruction which I enjoin upon you this day is not too baffling for you, nor is it beyond reach.

לֹ֥א בַשָּׁמַ֖יִם הִ֑וא לֵאמֹ֗ר מִ֣י יַעֲלֶה־לָּ֤נוּ הַשָּׁמַ֙יְמָה֙ וְיִקָּחֶ֣הָ לָּ֔נוּ וְיַשְׁמִעֵ֥נוּ אֹתָ֖הּ וְנַעֲשֶֽׂנָּה׃

It is not in the heavens, that you should say, “Who among us can go up to the heavens and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?”

וְלֹֽא־מֵעֵ֥בֶר לַיָּ֖ם הִ֑וא לֵאמֹ֗ר מִ֣י יַעֲבָר־לָ֜נוּ אֶל־עֵ֤בֶר הַיָּם֙ וְיִקָּחֶ֣הָ לָּ֔נוּ וְיַשְׁמִעֵ֥נוּ אֹתָ֖הּ וְנַעֲשֶֽׂנָּה׃

Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, “Who among us can cross to the other side of the sea and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?”

כִּֽי־קָר֥וֹב אֵלֶ֛יךָ הַדָּבָ֖ר מְאֹ֑ד בְּפִ֥יךָ וּבִֽלְבָבְךָ֖ לַעֲשֹׂתֽוֹ׃

No, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it.

Q: So how could the Rambam be? What he describes sounds so hard? How do we understand this? The Aidus the Rambam describes cannot contradict the aidus of the Torah itself?

There is a mashal of a regular, intelligent person who sets out to accomplish a job and he estimates how hard it is; is this something he can do or not. If a regular person is asked to carry a 300 pound sack of potatoes up a mountain, he knows he cannot do it, it is above his capability. He does understand that if he can open the bag and scatter them and given enough time to carry them up a few at a time, then he can do it. That would be totally different. Then 300 or 500 pounds doesn’t matter, as long as he can divide it up, he will accept the job. He is capable of that.

The same is true with kochot hanefesh. A  person who has a bad temper knows it and knows it is destroying his life, marriage, kids, maybe his job; he gets it in his mind. Then one day he goes to a shiur that talks about the bad middah of anger and he is inspired to change. He accepts never to get angry again. That is much heavier than a sack of potatoes. He cannot accomplish it. To succeed he should  accept not to get angry for an hour or a day, to scatter that middah over the days of his life.

The idea that a kabbalah means forever is simply impossible. There is no boundary to forever, it is not possible. So Hashem could never have asked us to do such a thing. He knows it is impossible. Hashem is telling us to be mekabel, at this moment now, don’t get angry. What will be in an hour is not the issue at this moment. This moment is קרוב אליך מאד. Tomorrow it is far from us, but that doesn’t matter now.

Rabbeinu Yonah in Yesod Hateshuvah says – שכחך, the ability to forget is something bad in the eyes of the world, but in our eyes it has a huge advantage in that it allows us to keep on going. Without it we would never keep going in our avodas hashem because we would constantly remember our past. We would become completely paralyzed. It is not only gift of forgetting the past, but also not being overly concerned with the future in terms of this kabbalah.

At this moment of my life I am a wall. I am not doing this sin or that sin. No matter what it is I will not be torn away from this commitment.

Let us explore this in the world of Mysticism

The Nefesh Hachaim (Shaar Alef, Beis), Ramchal, Vilna Gaon and Michtav Eliyahu all present a similar concept about the nature of time.

הַמְחַדֵּשׁ בְּטוּבו בְּכָל יום תָּמִיד מַעֲשה בְרֵאשִׁית.

Sunday is not a continuation of Shabbos. It is a totally different day. When a person makes a kabbalah, I am never going to do this sin, he is in a delusion that doesn’t exist because tomorrow doesn’t exist today. It only exists when Hashem reveals that tomorrow. So we have no control over tomorrow at all. So what’s a kabbalah? We all have been taught to make them. (Often they are the same as last year.) Are they meaningless? Of course not.

It is a good thing because:

1.     you clarify your objectives, separate between sheker and emet. Acknowledge this is bad.

2.     You are accepting a certain responsibility to stop doing the sin. This is important. I need a plan how to stop sin. How to start doing a mitzvah.

But the plan is not guided by forever. You don’t have to do it all and forever. This is because we see every day is a new day, a new nisayon, will I do it. That test is today. The fact that I had this kabbalah and wanted to do it, can lead me to a delusion that I don’t have to fight the nisayon tomorrow and the next day. We are lulled into this way of thinking that this kabbalah will enable me to win the war every day. It is not so. Every day is a new war. There is no bechirah for the future.

The danger of kabbalah is that we do this and think we do forever and keep failing each year. Eventually we will see the whole thing as fake,  a life as a joke. I am unreliable, incapable, etc. This can take us down a bad path.

The avodah of a Jew is to live with free choice every day, every moment to daven to Hashem to help me today. Just focus on today. Tomorrow doesn’t exist at all. The person I am today is totally different than tomorrow. The challenges of tomorrow could make me totally different than I was yesterday. The person that made that choice on Monday is not the same person on Tuesday.

The Chazon Ishe in his letters also talks about this. Don’t waste your life in all types of thoughts,

stop thinking about the past, and don’t plan tomorrow. What should be dearest to you is this moment that you are in right now. This is his way of saying to focus on today. There is no tomorrow.

Now we understand why Rav Kook says teshuvah is both easy and hard:

On the one hand, the ovoda of the moment is easy because as long as I don’t have to carry the burden of the past or the worry of tomorrow, then it is easy. That relief allows me to focus on today.

On the other hand, it is the hardest because it means living every moment of your life in this consciousness. You need to live in the moment focusing on what you can do right now. That is hard. If you didn’t make kabbalos then you are a joker, and if you did make kabbalos you might be discouraged. So in the moment you need to fight this and be a wall, do it now. This makes it clear to me that this mitzvah or avoiding this sin is good for me.

  

Hashem’s love for us is so great. Just try this moment. Be the best you can be right now.