Connecting to the Three Weeks and Tisha B'Av

רב שמשון דוד פינקוס – דף רמב

כל המתאבל על ירושלים זוכה ורואה השמחתה

מידת האבילות על החורבן תלויה בקשר הפנימי לרבונו של עולם

The difficulty with this time of the year is our ability to connect and feel its greatness. Other Yomim Tovim are easy to connect to, to feel the growth and the keduash. Who doesn’t walk away from the Pesach Seder uplifted! On Shavuot, we feel the kabalas Hatorah – we know what we are connecting to. The Yomim Noraim as well, we know what they are about, we can feel the growth. But the period of “The Three Weeks,” what is it all about? How do we connect to it? Furthermore, we don’t really connect to fasting; what is it about? We have to figure this out because Chazal say that a Taanit has a very important avodah.

There is a story with Napoleon the Great who was walking through the streets of Paris and heard crying coming from a house. After inquiring what the crying was about, he was told it was Jews crying about some burned down house from 2000 years ago. Napoleon responded, “I am certain that if they are still crying over that house, they will merit seeing it rebuilt.

In previous generations, they knew what it was to cry. Our generation doesn’t know how to cry; we don’t know what to cry about during “The Three Weeks.” Unfortunately, we view this period of time as a burden, it has lists of things we can’t do and we can’t wait for it to end.

When you go to a simcha and see everyone dancing, it is not always apparent which people are closest to the simcha because everyone is dancing and part of the simcha. But when you view a tzara, it is clear who is b’zaar; the one who is crying is closest to the pain. The same is true in our connection to Hashem. When we rejoice on Yom Tov, it is not always evident who is close to the baal simcha. But in days of mourning, we can tell who is in pain because only someone who is really close to Hashem will feel the real pain of mourning.

How have we lost this closeness to Hashem that we don’t know how to cry or how to mourn?

The commentators explain that “The Three Weeks” are a preparation for the three weeks from Rosh Hashana to Shemini Atzeret. In reality then, they are a preparation and foundation for our avodah for the entire year. Somehow we have to leave Tisha B’av a new person, a person feeling a real closeness to Hashem. If we can do that, that will bring the rebuilding of the Bais Hamikdash.

The root of the problem is that we don’t know what to mourn for. What is there to cry for? What are we missing? We don’t feel anything lacking. We don’t know anything about korbanot to feel that they are missing. Somehow, each of us on our own level have to appreciate these three weeks and use them for דביקות ועליה. The halachot of not listening to music, not taking hot showers during the nine days, etc – this is our avodah of this time – this feeling of discomfort is our feeling galut. And even if it is hard for us to really internalize these feelings, we should see that as the avodah, but at least we have to understand that this is the truth.

When it comes to בין אדם לחברו, like middot, Shalom Bayit, etc., the obligation is to be b’simcha and imbue that on to the people around you. This is easier for us to connect to, it is easier for us to go above and beyond. But our בין אדם למקום is harder to connect to and so if we are strong, we do what we are required. But very few are able to go above and beyond; the way we view this, doing what’s required is hard enough for us.

We have to recognize that an important principle in our avodat Hashm is to equate the way we view בין אדם לחברו and בין אדם למקום. Throughout the Torah (especially in Shir Hashirim) we find the connection between Hashem and the Jewish people as one of דביקות, אהבה, וחיבה to the extent that when a Jew learns Torah he should view it as a kiss from Hashem. Hashem is our ידיד וחבר קרוב.

But why don’t we feel this? Why are there Jews who don’t feel אהבת ה'? יראת ה'? אמונה?

The answer is that we all have free choice and we do not allow Hashem into our lives. So the main avodah is to let Hashem in. Through learning Torah and doing mitzvot we can come close to Him, create a real דביקות.

Let us know connect this to “The Three Weeks.”

Just as between man and woman we have a period known as dating, so too this process applied to our marriage to Hashem. Before giving us the Torah, the pasuk says "אתם ראיתם אשר עשיתי למצרים וכוי (שמות יט, ב-ו) "ואתם תהיו לי ממלכת כהנים וגוי קדוש" – this is the foundation of being a Jew. But why did Hashem bring up what He did in Egypt now? The one thing that causes love between two people is the feeling that you matter to them. Hashem reminded the Jews what He did in Egypt to show them that He cares about them, that they matter to Him. This is the preparation for kabalat Hatorah.

Do we care as much about Hashem? Do we feel the connection? The “Three Weeks” is the time to build the kesher with Hashem – this is the avodah of this time period. Look at what we are missing. What the Bait Hamikdash represented; if we had it we could cling to Hashem on a higher level. If we had the Bait Hamikdash we could feel the same closeness to Hashem the the תנאים ואמוראים felt. That is the meaning in "כל המתאבל על ירושלים זוכה ורואה בשמחתה -  our mourning shows how much we are connected to Hashem.

The 17^th of Tamuz was the day when Moshe Rabbeinu broke the first luchot. We have to realize that this was not just a part of history, something that happened 2000 years ago. Chazal tell us that "שברי הלוחות עדיין נמצאים כאן." – The shards of the luchos are still here today. We can learn for hours and then forget everything we learned, this is the shards of the luchos. If we can begin the cry over the שברי לוחותת, we can begin to see what we are lacking and we can show Hashem that we care. When we show Hashem that we care, that can help restore the connection with Him and then things can return to the way they once were. תשעה באב is called a מועד, because this is The Time, the day that is at the center of our connection to Hashem during these days of Galut and for all generations of the Galut.  So just as we cannot function without Yom Kippur, without it what connection do we have to Hashem, we have to realize that it is the avodah of Tisha B’av that restores the connection with Hashem which allows to us to get to Yom Kippur and beyond that to Simchat Torah.

If you look at a person playing ball, you can tell in a minute if he is a professional or if he is not; you can tell if this is his עיקר החיים. So too with a person who does mitzvot, you can tell in a minute if he is doing them because it is a mitzvah or if he is learning because this is his life. This time period of “The Three Weeks” is to determine "כי הם חיינו ואורך ימינו" – is the Torah and our connection to Hashem our purpose in life. If it is, then when we see the Torah being defiled in the streets, we will care; we will cry streams of tears.

If we can bring ourselves to this, then we will certainly be ready for Rosh Hashanah and the kabalat hamalchut that comes along with it. When we spend these three weeks feeling that Hashem is a part of us, we can come to anoint Him on Rosh Hashanah.