The Month of Elul: Making Room for Hashem in Our Lives

בלבבי משכן אבנה 

דודי באלול ואבינו מלכנו בראש השנה

We know that אלול corresponds to אני לדודי ולדודי לי. During this month, Hashem is referred to as our דודי, our beloved. Yet, when we reach Rosh Hashanah, there is no mention of דודי, we only find Hashem as אבינו מלכנו, אם כבנים אם כעבדים. If Elul is the preparation for Yomim Noraim, then what happened to the דודי?

A דוד, uncle is someone who comes to visit occasionally, but not constantly. But a father is constantly living with his son. Similarly a slave is always in the house of the king.  So in the month of Elul, our relationship with Hashem is like a דוד, an uncle. It is not yet a complete closeness. But once we reach Rosh Hashanah and Aseres Yomai Teshuvah, then the closeness becomes like a son to a father, דרשו ה' בהמצאו קראוהו בהיותו קרוב, we are close. So Elul is a time of preparation. We start with the relationship as דודי, but if we went into Rosh Hashanah with דודי as well, then we would not be in the right place. The avoda is to start as Dodi and reach Avi.

Q: How do we accomplish this?

The pasuk says in Shiur Hashirim 5:2) קול דודי דופק פתחי לי אחותי רעייתי יונתי תמתי , where Hashem is called our Dodi, our beloved, and He is knocking on the door, on the heart of every person, asking to be let in. But when a person knocks on a door, is it always opened? Sometimes no one is home, and even if someone is home, perhaps they are asleep. During the month of Elul, Hashem is knocking on our hearts. The question is, who is listening to the knocks to let Him in?

If we want Hashem to be our Dodi, then we have to be prepared to open the door for the knock, we have to open our hearts and let Hashem in. But many of our hearts are closed, we may not hear the knock. The avoda of Elul is to open our hearts so we can hear Him and let Him in.

How big of an opening do we need?

When you build a house, you build a doorway the size for a normal sized person to fit through the entrance. When you want to bring in furniture or other big items, then you need to open the entrance or build a wider one. Hashem is telling us to open a small opening כחודה של מחט, like the eye of the needle, to open up to Teshuva. But the Kutzker Rebbe adds that this opening has to be a פתח גמור, it has to be a full opening. It cannot be open one minute and closed another. 

What happens after Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur? Is the opening we created still open? Was our inspiration in Elul just temporary for this Holy time period, but the moment חודש חשון comes along the opening closes up again?

If it was a complete and permanent opening, then Hashem can enter permanently. But if it was a temporary opening, then it won’t work. This can best be compared to a person who invites guests to stay with him for a week or two. He prepares a room for him and takes great care to prepare everything his guest will need. But after all is said and done, it is just for a week or two. But a בן בית is different. A father opens the door for his child, he does not think that in a week or two he will be leaving. The child has a permanent room and place in the house. So when we open our hearts for Hashem, are we opening it so Hashem can be a guest (אורח), or are we opening it so He can be a בן בית? Hashem doesn’t want us to just open our hearts to allow Him to enter as a guest. He wants ושכנתי בתוכם to live with us like a permanent בן בית.

To allow Hashem to enter our hearts, we have to create room for Him. When you have a guest in your home, you just move things out of the way to make space for the guest, but to allow in a בן בית you need to take things out of the room to make permanent space. If we want Hashem in our hearts, we have to remove things that are less important. We have to make a permanent spot for Him. We all have different desires in our hearts; some of us want a new fancy car, others want a new big house or kitchen, others want to be popular and respected by others. If we honestly want Hashem to enter and stay with us, we must get rid of things so that the room we make is fitting and has the proper “room” for Hashem. JUST for Hashem. We have to be willing to give some things up. We cannot go about our regular ways AND want Hashem to be in our hearts; there often isn’t room for both.